Good morning!

Here's your morning inspiration. By inspiration, we mean a story that will make you:

1) Weep for joy.
2) Tell your kids you love them (lies never hurt nobody).
3) Hug your bartender.
4) Make parole.
5) Make whoopee with someone way out of your league.
6) Finish that novel.
7) Kill a mockingbird.
8) Get a sunburn.
9) Shave that scrotum.
10) Look up a new word in the dictionary (how about "queue?").