Kids' Corner: sometimes kids get depressed, too

Sometimes, The Guys must take a stand. Seriously.

This is one of those times.

Experts are warning that "children are being deprived of the right to grow up at their own pace by a combination of advertising, junk food, pressures at school and TV and video games."

We are appalled. Shame on you, corporate America. Shame on you for tugging the heart- and pursestrings of America's youth.

In response, we are starting a new section, just for kids. It's the SeriouslyGuys Kids' Corner (no grown-ups allowed--except us, of course).

It's hard to be a kid. Adults never understand because they're busy eating Burger King and staying up later than you. They don't notice that you get depressed sometimes, especially because television and school is making you grow up faster than you deserve.

Fortunately, there's one way to stay young: smoking.

It's cool and refreshing like a menthol. And it gets rid of all that depression from Pac-Man, homework and House.

It's not for adults, either. Old people get cancer and die. You're young and indestructible. Why, here's a list of famous people you love who smoke:

Huckleberry Finn
Bart Simpson
Johnny Depp
Dennis Leary (Is it safe to smoke? C'mon, c'mon!)
Keifer Sutherland
Ryan Adams
Krusty the Klown
Popeye
Every single pirate in Waterworld
Solid Snake
Wolverine (aka: Logan, aka: Weapon X)

Notice something about that list? Every single one of them is real and important to you (except Keifer).

So do something that lets all those grumpy adults know you're a kid, and they can't make you grow up: smoke.

(SeriouslyGuys Kids' Corner is sponsored by Philip Morris and RJ Reynolds.)