Ruling through laughter

Fidel Castro--the 50-Cent of dictators--reignited the Castro Death Pool in Vegas, saying he would not be in office at 100.

Started by Vegas bookies in 1959, the pool had lost interest as the 80-year-old presidente has survived nine presidents, CIA assassination plots, invasion attempts, the collapse of the Soviet Union, Freudian-based accusations, and "Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights."

He also used the press conference to "boast that Cuba's infant mortality of 6.5 per thousand was lower than the US rate."

COMMIE BURN!