Panda watch

When these black-eyed monsters aren't giving birth to more of their evil kind, they're attacking human drunkards.

According to the Associated Press, Chinese tourist Zhang Xinyan drank four pitchers of beer before going to the Beijing Zoo. He then jumped into the panda pen and tried to give 6-year old panda Gu Gu a hug.

Gu Gu responded by biting Zhang in the right leg. Zhang, drunkenly defending the human race, decided to kick the panda, and got bitten on the left leg. Zhang then bit the panda in retaliation.

Key quote: "'No one ever said they would bite people,' Zhang said. 'I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much.'"

This blog can relate. Going to a crowded, child-infested zoo is no fun unless you're hammered.