Mother may I?

If sold on the open market, think of the purposes of the personalization function for the detector:

-a way to placate people high on the "wacky tobaccky"

-a way to drive conspiracy theorists crazy

-a way to drive religious nuts crazy

-there's even a way for Russia to keep its soldiers in line in their bunks

My suggestion for keeping you alive by using it? Switch the voice to Lewis Black.