MasterChugs Theater: 'Top Secret!'

Whoooooooooo likes a spoof? Raise your hand if you do. Everyone else will be shot at dawn. In a world of spies, Nazis, World War II, and random dance numbers, James Bond only wishes he could have had it as good as Val Kilmer (yes, that Val Kilmer) in Top Secret!.

Having honed their gag-a-second style with the massively popular Airplane!, the creative team of Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker (ZAZ) turned their joke radar onto the unlikely genres of WWII films and Elvis musicals. While in the wrong hands this seemingly bizarre combination might illicit more head scratching than laughter, the ZAZ team manage to deliver one of their funniest and most under-appreciated spoof comedies. Starring a then unknown 24-year old by the name of Val Kilmer, Top Secret! is a film that boasts more puns, sight gags, double entendres and crude humour per frame than any other picture. Probably Kilmer's reputation as a sourpuss led some people to believe his comedic turn in 2005's Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang was a revelation but Top Secret! reveals an impressive natural affinity for comedy that has been sadly under-utilised over the years.

Nick Rivers (Val Kilmer) is an American pop singer with hits such as "Skeet Surfin' USA." Invited by the Gestapo he travels to East Germany (Yes, the Nazis are still in control--don't ask why) to perform for a cultural festival as a diversion for their dastardly plan. While agent Cedric picks up phony dog poo that is NOT phony dog poo, our hero runs foul of the authorities rescuing Hillary Flamond (Lucy Gutteridge), a member of the French Resistance (in East Germany still). With his manager (Billy J. Mitchell) impaled upon the Anal Intruder due to a mistake over European voltage, Nick is forced to flee. ("Ve did vat ve could, but it took our surgeons eight hours just to get ze smile off his face.") Meeting the resistance leader the Torch (Christopher Villiers) and his men Latrine, Soufle, Arc de triumph, croissant, Deja Vu and Chocolate mousse they embark on an ambitious plan to rescue Hillary's scientist Father from the dreaded Fleurgendorf Prison involving cows with boots.

Key example of the fun:

Nick: Hillary. That's an unusual name.
Hillary: It's a German name. It means "she whose bosoms defy gravity."
Nick: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.
Hillary: Nick? What does that mean?
Nick: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.

Key example number 2:

[The East German national anthem - Translated from German]
All: Hail, hail East Germany / Land of fruit and grape / Land where you'll regret / If you try to escape / No matter if you tunnel under or take a running jump at the wall / Forget it, the guards will kill you, if the electrified fence doesn't first.

Released in 1984, the film performed poorly at the box office, ultimately going on to become something of a cult classic among comedy fans. Considering that Top Secret!'s fast and furious comedy style is not too dissimilar from the hit Airplane!, the reason for the film's initial failure is unclear - a number of ZAZ aficionados consider it to be funnier than the revered Airplane! and the Naked Gun series. Acting wise, the cast has a great time with the material. The score is provided by Maurice Jarre and is suitably hokey, echoing the cheesiest of the WWII films. Kilmer has a chance to sing in his first starring role (Are you lonely tonight, is your kitchen ... a sight, are your carpets all faded and worn?) and there are so many gags flying left, right and centre that the film deserves repeated viewing. Featuring cows wearing boots, a scene involving skeet surfin' (filmed in Cornwall of all places), and French characters named Déjà Vu and Avant Garde, this is an absurd comedy that hits far more times than it misses.