Helpful tip for foreign teenagers

Valentine's Day is a great day to lose your virginity—unless you're a teenager in Thailand, in which case you should probably just go to the movies.

Remember, if you're a teenager and out on the streets in Thailand with your significant other, stick to the plan:

-Pronounce your lust loudly for said significant other.
-Run as fast as the two of you can. That's a keen sign of inconspicuous behavior to the local constabulatory.
-If you're going for public whoopie, head to the local park. No one goes to the park on Valentine's Day, especially the 5-0. It's a fact.