From the SeriouslyGuys Vault: July 26

July 26th is a huge day for national firsts, and SeriouslyGuys was there at each one, cataloguing them for posterity, providing our own insights, and shaping this political experiment called America. Don't believe us? Check out these entries From the SeriouslyGuys Vault:

Wednesday, July 26, 1775

Colonies goe Postale

The Continental Congress, in their abyding Whisdome, has established a Postale Servise for the Colonies. This Servise shall replace the Royale Servise, which can get Stufed.

Today's Deliverie shall include the lateft Value-Pak with Coupones for free bleeding by the Honourable Doctor Benjamin Rush, Coffee for a halfe-Shilling, and buy-one-get-one-free bifocales at Franklin Optometristrie.


Sunday, July 26, 1908

"C-Men" swarm the streets

U.S. Attorney General Charles Joseph Bonaparte has established a new federal detective squad, called the Office of the Chief Examiner. Manned by the soon-to-be legendary "C-Men," the task force will keep close tabs on enemies foreign and domestic and prosecute those criminals who cross state-lines.

This is the first attempt by the government to establish their own bureau to investigate federal offenses.

Side note: This blog believes "FBI" would make a niftier name for the crimefighters.


Friday, July 26, 1991

Today's secret word: "masturbation"

Children's entertainer Paul Reubens, more affectionately known as Pee-Wee Herman, was the first man to masturbate in an adult movie theater today.

Obviously he was the first to ever do it since his was the first arrest of public note for the offense.

While incensed parents have begun burning Pee-Wee paraphanelia, this blog urges open-mindedness: it's not like he's into children.