Kidz Korner: Guns and problem-solving

Hey, kids! We're sure you've had this argument before:

Billy: I'm older!
Jimmy: No, I'm older!
Billy: I'm older because I'm 8 and you're 7.
Jimmy: Well ... I'll be 8 on my birthday!
Billy: I'll already be 8, and then I'll be 9 on my birthday, dummyhead.

Doesn't it hurt when you're called a dummyhead? Don't you wish you could show Billy who's the dummyhead, make all the pain go away and be older than him on your next birthday?

Your wish has been granted, thanks to guns!

Now your parents and teachers may say guns are dangerous, but who are they kidding? Adults have settled disputes with guns since the days of the early Egyptians! (Bryan, can you check the date on the first working gun?)

Why, if it weren't for guns, you'd be speaking English right now because we never would have killed the king in 1776! Extreme, right?!

So how can guns be dangerous when they solve all of your problems? Of course they can't. Fortunately, now you know better.