It wasn't me, it was the one-limbed man

It's getting clearer and clearer that there are threats against normal, everyday people in the form of subversive groups. First it was the witchdoctors, then the zombies (which are still out there and hunger for your brains), now it seems society is facing its deadliest foe: the handicapped.

We were shocked to discover yesterday that the blind feel it is their right to operate a motor vehicle, despite the complete lack of seeing roads, signs or pedestrians. Now, they almost comically deprived of limbs feel they have the same right to drive.

A Florida man with no arms and one leg was sentenced to five years in prison for various traffic violations. What's worse is it seems he said a habit of poor driving, surprisingly enough.

Key quote: "He once had a valid license, but it has been suspended several times since 1985, according to his attorney. He starts the car with his toes, shifts with his knee and steers with the stump of his left arm. He turns on the lights with his teeth."