Jack gets attacked

Avast, ye--cough cough cough--sorry, that's just a little something left over from yesterday, let me take another stab at it. Once again, the animals are attacking our most cherished of leaders in this war.

The victim of the attack this time was none other than Jack Hanna. He was trying to get a young flamingo through an airport security turnstile in Columbus, Ohio. Knowing Hanna, he was most likely transporting the prisoner to another country where interrogation laws leave more room for creativity. However, the two got stuck in the turnstile. At least that's what the public is allowed to know. Eventually firefighters had to be called to get them unstuck.

Key quote: "'I was stuck like a worm. My eyes were as big as grapefruits,' he said. 'I can't describe the feeling in my stomach. I can't move up or down. The bars are on your face.'"

Jack Hanna, you poor bastard. We'll get them for you.