State of the War: One Year Later

Today marks a sad day for us all. One year ago today, Steve Irwin, the patron saint of the War on Animals, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, was assassinated by a poisonous stingray's barb to the heart. Irwin was dead in minutes. The only video evidence, the modern day Zapruder film, was destroyed by his family in the weeks following.

The world was shocked, and rightfully so. We here at SG posted a sad remembrance of Irwin and how he had affected the world, then went back to wondering what else could go wrong in this crazy world of ours.

A week later, environmentalists began finding mutilated stingrays washing up on Australian shores. Irwin fans were seeking revenge on the evil stingrays, and justly so. How dare those beasts kill our ambassador? If that was how they treated us, it was time to bring the war to them. The uneasy truce that had lasted so long was off.

In the War on Animals, you're either with us or against us.

So now, one year after that day we will not soon forget, it is time take a moment to reflect privately on all that we have accomplished since then. Most importantly, it serves as a reminder that we all must take up the cause. So while we were all off on vacation, the war didn't take a holiday. Here's what's been happening:

• Mrs. Tennessee (probably married to Mr. Tennessee) was nearly killed by a rattlesnake.
• Spiders are taking over a Texas park.
• The 9th Circuit Court said the U.S. Navy can use sonar despite the risk to whales and dolphins.
• The mythical Chupacabra from Texas and Mexico may have finally been caught.

Take heart, fellow human beings. The war will be won, but we all need to make sacrifices. Be safe, and remember: don't brake for animals.