War Journal: Annapolis
Annapolis, Maryland
8/29/2007
6:03 p.m.
As I promised, as soon as I left work, I hightailed it to the U.S. Naval Academy to hunt and kill the green pigeon before it uses its superpowers to harm the good people of Maryland. I will admit, I did have to stop back at my apartment to pick up some supplies, but now I am locked and loaded and ready to go.
I brought along this journal to record this hunt and to inspire others to do the same. After all, we're at war.
The report I read said the booger-colored bird is located on the U.S. Naval Academy campus. My plan of attack is to take my 12-gauge over to that part of campus and watching the skies. Here goes nothing.
6:29 p.m.
Battered and bruised. Here is a tip for all of you warriors out there: do not try to run onto a military campus of any sort carrying a firearm. I did not make it more than a foot past the gate before I was pummeled by security guards. I think they were Navy, I could not really tell. All I saw was a series of fists coming toward me.
In between blows, I managed to tell them I was heading to the construction site of the new Naval Academy athletic center. They told me I was on the wrong side of the Severn River, took my piece, and resumed beating me.
Somehow I staggered back to my car. It hurts to hold this pen. Time to drive over to the bridge and try again.
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7:19 p.m.
I am back in action. I have parked my car and I'm heading to the construction site. It's time to go back into battle. I do not know where I will find a weapon, since mine was confiscated. But I am a dedicated warrior and I will prevail. Luckily, I am bringing my journal with me.
I think I just spat out a tooth.
7:53 p.m.
I found a fallen branch and sharpened the end to make a spear. Then I went down to the banks of the river Severn and covered my face in mud. Finally, I covered myself in female pigeon urine--don't ask.
It is a very primal feeling I have now. I feel almost like an animal. How can I possibly feel like the enemy I fight? I sit here, crouched behind a bush, ready to pounce on this colorful avian and all I can think of is home. I miss it so much. I swear if I ever get out of this hell hole, I will go home and start all over. I had a lot of plans before this terrible war began, I guess the war ruined a lot of plans for everyone. The would has gone mad.
I need to stop writing now so I can keep my eyes looking for my prey.
8:03 p.m.
Terrible news. I was sitting there, watching the last of the sunlight sink into the west, when a copy of today's (Annapolis) Capital rolled by. There on the front page was a blurb about the green pigeon. There, it said the bird returned to its owners south of Annapolis late last night. It was a homing pigeon, owned by Every Celebration--a company owned by a brother and sister, aged 9 and 12. They were unavailable for comment because they were AT SCHOOL! (Link unavailable, but it's true.)
The theory is the bird got lost during a storm over the weekend. Even so, children own a company and are creating superpower-ful birds? Animals and their allies must be destroyed! Tomorrow is another day and another battle!
8/29/2007
6:03 p.m.
As I promised, as soon as I left work, I hightailed it to the U.S. Naval Academy to hunt and kill the green pigeon before it uses its superpowers to harm the good people of Maryland. I will admit, I did have to stop back at my apartment to pick up some supplies, but now I am locked and loaded and ready to go.
I brought along this journal to record this hunt and to inspire others to do the same. After all, we're at war.
The report I read said the booger-colored bird is located on the U.S. Naval Academy campus. My plan of attack is to take my 12-gauge over to that part of campus and watching the skies. Here goes nothing.
6:29 p.m.
Battered and bruised. Here is a tip for all of you warriors out there: do not try to run onto a military campus of any sort carrying a firearm. I did not make it more than a foot past the gate before I was pummeled by security guards. I think they were Navy, I could not really tell. All I saw was a series of fists coming toward me.
In between blows, I managed to tell them I was heading to the construction site of the new Naval Academy athletic center. They told me I was on the wrong side of the Severn River, took my piece, and resumed beating me.
Somehow I staggered back to my car. It hurts to hold this pen. Time to drive over to the bridge and try again.
View Larger Map
7:19 p.m.
I am back in action. I have parked my car and I'm heading to the construction site. It's time to go back into battle. I do not know where I will find a weapon, since mine was confiscated. But I am a dedicated warrior and I will prevail. Luckily, I am bringing my journal with me.
I think I just spat out a tooth.
7:53 p.m.
I found a fallen branch and sharpened the end to make a spear. Then I went down to the banks of the river Severn and covered my face in mud. Finally, I covered myself in female pigeon urine--don't ask.
It is a very primal feeling I have now. I feel almost like an animal. How can I possibly feel like the enemy I fight? I sit here, crouched behind a bush, ready to pounce on this colorful avian and all I can think of is home. I miss it so much. I swear if I ever get out of this hell hole, I will go home and start all over. I had a lot of plans before this terrible war began, I guess the war ruined a lot of plans for everyone. The would has gone mad.
I need to stop writing now so I can keep my eyes looking for my prey.
8:03 p.m.
Terrible news. I was sitting there, watching the last of the sunlight sink into the west, when a copy of today's (Annapolis) Capital rolled by. There on the front page was a blurb about the green pigeon. There, it said the bird returned to its owners south of Annapolis late last night. It was a homing pigeon, owned by Every Celebration--a company owned by a brother and sister, aged 9 and 12. They were unavailable for comment because they were AT SCHOOL! (Link unavailable, but it's true.)
The theory is the bird got lost during a storm over the weekend. Even so, children own a company and are creating superpower-ful birds? Animals and their allies must be destroyed! Tomorrow is another day and another battle!
Labels: The War on Animals
posted by Bryan McBournie at
12:46 PM
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