Fifth columnists in California celebrate creeps

For full effect, please put your 3-D glasses on. Also, you might want to put your coffee cup down.
No drive to war is complete without accusations of fifth columnists here in America, and the War on Animals is no exception.

Coarsegold, California (go figure), has embraced the foe that brought down beloved Captain Kirk. It is ugly, it is hairy and it is smaller than a breadbox: the tarantula.

The tarantula, which is Spanish for "get that f--king thing away from me, AIIEEE!" (yet another word that loses something in translation), is not a cuddly creature. On a scale from one to 10, one being not so deserving of a blow-torchin' and 10 being incredibly deserving of a blow-torchin', tarantulas score a 23.

By protecting these spiders, Coarsegold has sealed their fate, and the locals don't even realize it:

One morning last week when she walked out to her red car, it was white -- completely covered in tarantula webs.

"I believe that was my sign," she says.

"I think it was their little thank-you to me."

Not to say we didn't warn you, but now we have. Either get tough with these invaders, or expect the worst.