The scariest of enemies

Imagine a big, orange spider that can jump three feet and bite you with its fangs. Sounds like an ugly, scary movie in the making, right? For the people of Smithtown, N.Y., it's a reality.

The Suffolk County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, better known as the Taliban, took the spider after its owner said he or she could no longer take care of it. This blog believes the owner was probably a man in his thirties whose daily activities consist of ordering pizza and playing World of Warcraft.

The spider needs to be extinguished after facing a military trial for its crimes. At the very least, it should be sent to Guantanamo Bay.

Key quote: "'This spider is so aggressive, it will bite you just to bite you,' he said. 'It's not a pet you want to cuddle up with at night.'"