Ask Dr. Snee, Guynecologist: Bacteria and babies
Believe it or not, babies and bacteria have a lot in common. Both are transmitted by the usual means: sex. They also grow inside of their hosts, annoying it until they break free and annoy the rest of us, too. And that brings us to this week's medical queries.
Recently, my office gave out free potato salad to its employees. It would seem that everyone except for myself has apparently gotten sick from it. Do I have some ancient caveman era bacteria in my stomach?
I'm assuming from your letter that you actually ate this contaminated potato salad as well. Otherwise, my answer would be no: food poisoning isn't contagious. But since you did eat it, there are two possible reasons why you didn't get sick.
1) Yes, you may have some ancient caveman bacteria in your stomach. My guess is that you are also short and hairy and have a pronounced brow and jowl, close-set eyes and a propensity towards committing violent crimes. (One of my MDs is in Phrenology.)
2) The potato salad wasn't contaminated. It's very possible that your coworkers faked it for an unofficial Skip Day and didn't tell you. It could be because you are short and hairy and have a pronounced brow and jowl, close-set eyes and a propensity towards committing violent crimes.
Where do babies come from?
Wow. You were home-schooled, weren't you?
This is not a short answer, so try to keep up.
Babies are an emotional creation that human beings use to punish themselves, often unwittingly.
The process begins at 12-years-old for most males, and 9 for most females, when they decide that their parents are the worst people in the world and that they will never make the same mistakes with their own lives.
This anger ferments for a varied period of time, usually three to 30 years, and manifests itself in self-destructive behavior like drug and alcohol abuse, piercings, tattoos and going to a liberal arts college to study creative writing.
At the critical mass point, this behavior contributes to and culminates in unprotected sex with a member of the opposite sex. And that's where babies come from.
Within the next nine months, the terrified couple gets married and spends the rest of their lives still trying to (unsuccessfully) prove their parents wrong, which means more babies, a lifetime of debt and an unfinished novel/screenplay/business model.
Their children notice this trait in their parents and grow resentful for the next nine to 12 years. The circle of life then begins anew.
Rick Snee is not, in any way, a licensed medical professional or an actor that plays one on television. He's just really opinionated, which is good enough for blogging. To submit your own questions to Dr. Snee, Guynecologist, post comments below or email the good doctor.
Recently, my office gave out free potato salad to its employees. It would seem that everyone except for myself has apparently gotten sick from it. Do I have some ancient caveman era bacteria in my stomach?I'm assuming from your letter that you actually ate this contaminated potato salad as well. Otherwise, my answer would be no: food poisoning isn't contagious. But since you did eat it, there are two possible reasons why you didn't get sick.
1) Yes, you may have some ancient caveman bacteria in your stomach. My guess is that you are also short and hairy and have a pronounced brow and jowl, close-set eyes and a propensity towards committing violent crimes. (One of my MDs is in Phrenology.)
2) The potato salad wasn't contaminated. It's very possible that your coworkers faked it for an unofficial Skip Day and didn't tell you. It could be because you are short and hairy and have a pronounced brow and jowl, close-set eyes and a propensity towards committing violent crimes.
Where do babies come from?Wow. You were home-schooled, weren't you?
This is not a short answer, so try to keep up.
Babies are an emotional creation that human beings use to punish themselves, often unwittingly.
The process begins at 12-years-old for most males, and 9 for most females, when they decide that their parents are the worst people in the world and that they will never make the same mistakes with their own lives.
This anger ferments for a varied period of time, usually three to 30 years, and manifests itself in self-destructive behavior like drug and alcohol abuse, piercings, tattoos and going to a liberal arts college to study creative writing.
At the critical mass point, this behavior contributes to and culminates in unprotected sex with a member of the opposite sex. And that's where babies come from.
Within the next nine months, the terrified couple gets married and spends the rest of their lives still trying to (unsuccessfully) prove their parents wrong, which means more babies, a lifetime of debt and an unfinished novel/screenplay/business model.
Their children notice this trait in their parents and grow resentful for the next nine to 12 years. The circle of life then begins anew.
Rick Snee is not, in any way, a licensed medical professional or an actor that plays one on television. He's just really opinionated, which is good enough for blogging. To submit your own questions to Dr. Snee, Guynecologist, post comments below or email the good doctor.
Labels: Ask Dr. Snee
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4:18 PM
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