Headline of the Day

Once again, creativity in this crazy war is coming from the South. Why? This blog can only imagine it's because they have guns and a great deal of free time on their hands.

We won't spoil this one for you, but it involves a non-lethal weapon, a high school class and taxidermy. Wait--they teach skills like that in an Arkansas high school? Who would have thought?

Key quote: "'He used the nail gun to, as they say, to dispatch the animal,' Lievsay said. 'It wasn't like he held a nail gun against the head of a cute little animal in front of the class.'"

That's my Bush

It's only reaching roughly 9:00 am EST. But still, Sports Illustrated still knows how to write a headline.

Headline of the Day

File this one under "sounds euphemistically dirty, but it isn't and I feel bad for laughing."

If you have trouble finding The Guys in Hell, just listen for us yelling "Booze Team, assemble!"

Headline of the Day

OK, so it's so much the headline, but the story that counts. From about paragraph two in is where it counts.

Aaaaaand the universe has its course corrected and wookies do indeed live on Endor.

Best Headline of the Day At This Point

While our minds can wander around and probably imagine a myriad of ways that she could be applying pressure to the senator ... the brain tends to break when Larry Flynt is added into the equation.

Best Headline of the Day At This Point

There are days when some headlines just make total sense. Then, there are other days when songs by Ice-T really tend to make a lot more sense than they did in the past.

Slow News Headline of the Day

Guys: are you attracted to women, but not really sure if you really like the attractive ones? The Christian right is just happy to like women in the first place, like heterosexual Sen. Larry Craig.

In any case, a new scientific study shows men choose attractive women. Be sure to stay with us for the results of studies answering such questions as "is water wet?" and "who is buried in Grant's tomb?"

Recycling rubber

Not only does this article rank as headline of the day, but it (and 2 speeding ticket accounts) proves that the Prius can go over 100 miles per hour.

The Prius: still a wussy car, but able to run for its life on the schoolyard.

Best Headline of the Day At This Point

Sometimes, the truth hurts. A lot.

How hardcore is that cop?

He's so hardcore that he has to wear Hello Kitty on his arm.

Possible ramifications to ponder about:

-What will all future Thai loose cannon cop genre films look like?
-What will the Thai edit of Die Hard look like?
-Wouldn't it be more effective to have cops wear the armbands on the outside of the police department, like on the streets, than just in the building?

Best Headline of the Day At This Point

Sometimes, you just can't win them all, right Paris? Apparently having no talent and being a blight upon society is a poor career choice. Who would've guessed it?

We've got something to tell you:

We're here to help.

-Daniel Peter Blair, for continuing to do the act that got you stabbed after being stabbed, you should know that you have a problem.

-Women of the world, continuously objectifying we honest and wholesome men with your scandalous looks after we men get blamed for this very problem, know that you all have a problem.

-Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Malcolm Mackey, for the very same reason that you cannot ask a rainbow to stop being colorful, for ordering that a strip club cannot offer dancing sans clothing, you have a problem.

-Joseph T. Parrott, you have a problem with money. You don't want to part with it when you're legally obligated to do so. Deal with it. And your problem.

-The Traffic Department of CW11 Morning News, you have no problem at all, despite what some may say.

Headline of the Day

Ladies, this is exactly how we switch from one brain to the other.

What? Of course it would be a sports analogy.

Headline of the Century

Thank you, Chinese newspaper.

Misleading Headline of the Day

What is it with superheroes these days?

Makes sense, considering Toby Maguire can’t keep his mask on in the movies.

Misleading Headline of the Day, Part II

First bears, now tigers?

The animal kingdom must be controlled with rampant oil drilling and unchecked deforestation. It's us or them, people.

Misleading Headline of the Day

Expect the video on the Internet by August.

Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha

It is my extreme pleasure to present the Headline of the Day.

My greatest fear remains explosive illness while stuck in traffic.

Best Headline of the Day At This Point

Oh me, oh my, how you Kiwis must enjoy making my head explode.

Second Best Headline of the Day At This Point

In a world where half of the links that we have on the side of our page are inaccessible for me at my workplace, offices where porn is downloaded at work simply amaze me.

Canada-I salute you.