You get what you pay for--most of the time

A local Virginia newspaper editorial has actually come to the defense of a town's porn shop saying the city prosecutor is wasting taxpayers' time and money by going after the store. Also: "If it manages to stay in business, then it obviously isn't violating community standards." Gee, that's so crazy it almost makes sense.

And in the news side of things, the real shocker ( ll_i ) at Shockers ( ll_i ) Showbar isn't the naked ladies, it's the $6,000 bill they try to stick on your credit card for lap dances and drinks. Six grand in one night for lap dances isn't that excessive really, but at least give the guy what he paid for. Which, being as it took place in West Virginia, probably meant that the guy should at least own the location.

2 + 2 = A lot

A Georgia father is understandably peeved after his son ran up (or was bilked into?) a $53,000 strip club tab in just one night, all while celebrating his graduation from college. It doesn't take a genius to guess that he probably didn't major in finance.

Giving the customers more than they asked for

Tourists enjoying the scenery on St. Maarten ended up coming home with a little bit more than just sunburns and souvenirs. They also may have come home with tuberculosis.

Yes, health officials have sent out word that people who came in contact with a certain stripper should be checked out after the stripper tested positive for TB, also known as consumption.

This proves once again that everything is sexier in the Caribbean, even a woman dancing around while coughing up a strange, greenish-yellow substance. Oh, mama!

(Courtesy of Rachel U.)

Not what they bargained for

It's a plot twist worthy of the writers of television crime dramas. An exotic dancer, a robbery and death after what looks like a deal gone bad.

The stripper was at a private home for a job, but police now think she set up her customers and planned to rob them. During the attempted robbery, one of the men had his own gun and the stripper shot the man in self defense.

The doll won't be needed

Aphenphosmphobiacs, rejoice! Attempts to hold a ballot referendum on Ohio's new strip club law failed miserably, so it looks like no one is going to be touching anyone inappropriately anytime soon. Except if you're female and riding the subway in Japan. Seriously Japan, stop being so freaky-deeky.

OSHA loves strippers

OK, so they can officially get worker's comp now, but given the locations of some bars, can they get combat pay?

Who wants just a buffet anyway?

Some Florida strip clubs are offering free flu shots for patrons this fall, but if you try to poke any butts yourself you'll have to answer to the bouncers.

Key quote: "It's just a way to give back to the community."

Don't worry people. This is just the strippers equivalent to showering you all with crumpled up singles.

Touch 'em while you can

Sarasota County, Florida, is entertaining a proposition that would keep patrons 6 feet away from strippers.

Oh, yeah, and they want to ban alcohol from the strip clubs, too.

This effectively turns the nudie bar into your teenage years: watching porn in a dank, poorly lit environment; unable to buy booze; and surrounded by all your friends who want to masturbate.

Sounds swell, Sarasota.

Estoy en amor con un separador

Illegal immigration takes a dirty (hopefully not) turn as Canadian strip clubs fight for their right to hire foreign workers.

Key quote: "This is one of the professions where there is a worker shortage."

Really? No crap? Surely, we must be able to loan our neighbors some hot naked people in this time of crisis? Remember people, it's quantity, not quality!

Let your Articles of Confederation hang out

Those of you following the Supreme Court rulings lately know that the First Amendment has taken a few hits recently. This can be concerning for Americans who feel they are slowly losing their rights over time as a result of security concerns.

Well get ready for a dose of inspiration, because a judge in Oregon has ruled that lap dances are protected by freedom of speech provisions in the state's constitution. This blog isn't exactly sure how much talking is done during these Oregonian lap dances, and it would probably be kind of annoyed that conversation was being made while it tried to concentrate, but it's good to know there is one place safe for freedom.

We've got something to tell you:

We're here to help.

-Daniel Peter Blair, for continuing to do the act that got you stabbed after being stabbed, you should know that you have a problem.

-Women of the world, continuously objectifying we honest and wholesome men with your scandalous looks after we men get blamed for this very problem, know that you all have a problem.

-Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Malcolm Mackey, for the very same reason that you cannot ask a rainbow to stop being colorful, for ordering that a strip club cannot offer dancing sans clothing, you have a problem.

-Joseph T. Parrott, you have a problem with money. You don't want to part with it when you're legally obligated to do so. Deal with it. And your problem.

-The Traffic Department of CW11 Morning News, you have no problem at all, despite what some may say.

Do it for the kids

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney does not approve a book that is required reading for the kids of his state. Given that he's actually made a fortune selling hardcore pornography to bored business travelers, would he prefer that the children read the script to Maximum Ram instead? Is there really any surprise that he's not a governor anymore?

Still, don't be let down by feelings of altruism no longer being given to the children. You wanna know who is doing it all for the kids? Adult entertainers. Now that's classy. The girls from a Utah escort service were actually thinking about the children when they threw a bikini car wash over the weekend. I don't even really need to mention that being wet and soapy is a good cause all by itself ... but I will. Because I just did.

Student of the School Year

A student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha wrote her thesis recently. It took her a lot of hard work and first person experience. She became a stripper.

This blog isn't sure what's worse for the parents, knowing that their daughter is stripper, despite their paying all kinds of tuition money, or the fact that she only got a B on her thesis.

Key quote: "'Get to know your local stripper--that's the message we should end on, yeah,' Heineman said."

Handy business tip #78, 856

Being a burlesque dancer may or may not very well affect one's ability to sell real estate. Signs point toward yes it does at the moment though.

Note: Ravenna Black, said agent, totally looks like a guy in the picture.

Double note: "Keep On Churnin' Til the Butter Comes" may quite possibly be the greatest song title of all time.

Altruism for all

Exotic dancers plan a strip-a-thon to raise funds for three young boys suffering from a rare disorder. This is completely and totally outrageous! Won't someone please think of the children!?

Oh, yeah...that's right. The strippers are.

Licenses, get yer licenses here at the nation's capital!

Here's a rare opportunity to buy a nude dancing license in Washington, D.C. I knew someone that used to have one of those, but I'm pretty sure that Paul left it in his other wallet. Coincidentally enough, no one will make you strip for this license.

Sending the strip club moving

The state of Rhode Island is selling the strip club that it owns and operates out of the same building as the Department of Transportation. Yes, that sentence is correct.

Anyone got a "government mule" joke?

Dollar dollar bill ya'all

Strippers in Alabama resort to spray-on bikinis to obey the state's anti-nudity laws. So where do you put the dollar bills?

Alabama technological innovation #86,321: putting singles in the same places as where credit cards are swiped...in strippers.

Ewwwwwww.

Stripper-related news of the day

The Christmas spirit lives in us all! Exotic dancers in San Francisco will donate $15,000 worth of tips to the local Toys for Tots program, or as they like to call it, "Ta-ta's for Toys for Tots." I hope that "Santa Baby" was played during their "performances."

And on nearly the other side of the United States, Missouri's law banning nudity in strip clubs is struck down because it is unconstitutional. Also, because, y'know, nudity is kinda of the whole point of a strip club. Again, I call for "Santa Baby" to be played along with Christmas themed outfits. Christmas tree tassels for all!

Geriatric gyrations

I don't care if it'll bring dead unicorns back to life-there is not a cause good enough on the planet that justifies 70 year old men stripping.

I mean, won't someone think of the Chippendales' dancers?