Interstellar War on Animals

You wouldn't really know it by the story, but aliens obviously hate animals as much as we do. A 1972 meteorite just happened to hit a cow in Venezuela, killing it. It's the only known fatality from a meteor.

Anyone want to place bets it was some Martian sniper's work? We all know cows have it coming to them. In any case, the meteorite sold for $1,554 at an auction recently, while others sold for hundreds of thousands. Clearly, the meteorite-bidding community has no sense of worth for such a precious artifact.

Halo 3 ... for ye swabby!

In a bit of pirate-spirited irony for the stereotype, Bungie be putting out a jimmy hat to commemorate the release of their newst product, which sadly, be not a seagoing vessel, but a little thing called Halo.

Take heed, all: if ye be acquiring the Halo 3 Legendary edition, Halo 3 Game Fuel, Halo Actionclix and already preordered Halo Wars, there be a good chance that ye not be needing this to acquire this as well. If ye have done all of those, there probably not be many chances for you to use this treasure on the booty of a wench. YAR!

UFO's terrorize British; British terrorize everyone else with their teeth

Apparently, UFO's may or may not have terrorized a town recently. Sound like a bad July 4 based movie? Nah. Think more bad Sci-Fi channel premiere of the week. So, what do we know about what's happened?

1. The only witnesses were people who were walking out of pubs.
2. The Weekly World News, the "world's only reliable news paper", is not behind the incident, as it's too busy being closed by its parents.
3. Stratford-Upon-Avon contains no stars in its sky whatsoever. Except for four of them.

(Courtesy of Mike Morrow)

Anglican Church will not support War on Aliens

Once the War on Animals is over, we can focus on the next threat to humanity: aliens. And we don't mean the ones that are stealing our jobs over at HombresSeriamentes.com.

However, don't look for support from the Church of England. They're already protesting an early simulator that will train our youth into future Earth Warriors.

All we're saying is don't come asking for our nasty old guns to save your church when ET starts eating parishioners.